Friday, September 09, 2005

9/11 Remembered

A generation ago, the question was, "Where were you when President Kennedy was shot?"

For my generation, there are too many questions. Tragedies and calamities abound in our collective memories, but one question that will be asked again and again is, "Where were you on 9/11?"

At this time of year, that question doesn't even have to be asked.


I was at home in northern Virginia with a cup of tea and a newspaper in my hand, standing in the breakfast room and looking out into the backyard through the bay windows. N was already at the baby sitter's and V was on his way to work.

Three days ago, N and I had returned home from a six-week trip to India.

I savored all the little things I had taken for granted, but had missed sorely when I was away from home.

Outside, the sky was blue, cloudless, bright with that early fall sunshine that was not too hot on the skin. A slight breeze ruffled only the tops of the tall trees in the backyard. Everything looked fresh, clean.

Inside, Diane Sawyer and Charlie Gibson's easy, morning talk show banter filled the silence in an otherwise quiet house.

Then, confusion.

In Diane Sawyer's voice. In Charlie Gibson's voice. The banter was gone. Replaced by broken sentences, words that were coming out staccato. Too many pauses in between. They were searching for words, for understanding, for any information that would explain what has just happened. I turned to look at the TV screen.

There were no video shots yet. Just two lines repeated over and over - the Vice-President of CNN had seen a plane crashing into the Twin Towers. His office had a direct view of the World Trade Center.

I flipped furiously to the other channels - NBC, CBS, CNN.

The first images that replaced the Good Morning America studio scene were shots of the Twin Towers, smoke billowing out of a gaping hole near the top of one of them.

None of the TV channels had any confirmation of the news that a plane had crashed into one of the towers, yet. The discussion focussed on whether there was an explosion in the building. Or speculation that may be it was a helicopter or one of those chartered planes. They are known to fly low, staying just above the Manhattan skyline, sometimes even seeming to dip in between the buildings. At this point, there was no thought (at least none that was voiced) that it was anything but an accident.

I called V, who was still on the road, on his way to his office about eight miles away.

I watched the TV screen, describing the scene to him. Then I saw a plane entering the screen from the center-right side. My first reaction was, "God, how stupid is he? He's too close to the buildings!"

Within a few seconds the plane rammed into the other tower. A ball of fire followed by an inferno, black smoke.

The TV anchors were just repeating what I had said to V when describing the second plane. The theory of the pilot's stupidity now duelling with the theory that may be, it was not an accident. Compounded by the shock that this was happening twice within the space of a few minutes.

There was no other way of reporting it. They had no more information than I did. The pictures were there for all to see.

There were no backround file photos. No fillers. There was no script.

This was not pre-meditated war. This was not a natural disaster. This was not a multi-car pile-up on some icy interstate.

This was the story of two planes that came out of the clear blue skies that sunny September morning and crashed into the Twin Towers, those pillars of American achievement.

This was as real as TV could get.

I wanted all three of us to be home. Right away.

There was a deep sense of foreboding. Something was not right. I could not explain what I was seeing on TV. The people that were supposed to be able to explain could not, did not, explain what I was seeing on TV.

I wanted V to turn around wherever he was and come right back. I wanted to get N back from the baby sitter.

I could not. I was stuck at home. One of the cars was in the garage for maintenance. V had taken the other. He told me not to worry, that he would be back home as soon as he could and pick up N on the way back.

I'd been standing all this time. As I sat down on the sofa, remote in hand, I heard a loud thud. The windows rattled, the house trembled. Blasting at a construction site, I thought.

Without warning, the the television screens switched to Washington, DC. Claire Shipman was on TV, mike in hand, her back to the Vice-President's office, plumes of smoke rising from a building behind her.

From one angle, the building behind the Vice-President's office is the White House. No one was certain what this meant. May be a fire in one of the buildings? At this point, no one, least of all me, was connecting the loud thud with the smoke.

A few minutes later, the connection was clear. A plane's tail was sticking out of the side of the Pentagon that faces Arlington.

I called V. The cell phone circuits were jammed. I called all of my family that's in the US, made sure everyone was fine. I called India, told my parents and in-laws we were all fine. Everyone was trying to call everyone else. It took us all a few minutes to reach each other.

I still could not reach V. He managed to call me.

Washington, D.C. was being evacuated. He was turning back. But there was no place to turn. By this time, the morning rush hour had mushroomed into a monster. Two-way roads were switched to one ways, vehicles were going around in circles. Rush hour that was usually uni-directional was becoming bi-directional. All the bridges coming out of Washington, DC into Virginia were choking with the overload.

As V would say later, the evacuees were sitting ducks for anyone wanting to target huge numbers of people with nowhere to go. That evacucation was anything but orderly. It was an unmitigated disaster. It took V three hours to cover the distance that would normally take 30 minutes, to get home.

Still no information on what was happening. I don't know, may be because of the movies, or may be it is what I was getting used to, may be getting spoiled even - what with all the news channels, all that information, the idea that the nation should know what is going on, the images of Presidents addressing the nation - but I kept thinking, ok, the President will be on any minute. There will be something someone at the White House will say that I want to listen to.

Everyone had their two cents in. Everyone except the people I wanted to hear from. I was waiting for an answer to a simple question, "What is going on?"

The thing is these thoughts rolled through my mind right then. They were not the result of some post-mortem of the events that transpired that day. That day, I realized for the first time that I was looking for something from the government, something other than services or social security programs or budgets, or low interest rates.

The image of David Bloom - with ash, debris on his hair, his voice hoarse, his face gaunt, his eyes red from the dust, from hours of standing on his feet, his back to the falling towers - is the strongest in my mind from all the hours of TV coverage we watched, compulsively.

Then news of Flight 93 crashing in Pennsylvania. By this time, the shock was gone. There was the dull realization that whatever this thing was, it was relentless.

Hours, days, later, the stories.

Of bodies flying out of the windows of the towers, a desperate attempt to escape the fire and heat inside. Of policemen and firemen and dogs risking their lives to save others'. Of Todd Beamer and Lisa, the telephone operator who connected him to his pregnant wife, also Lisa, for a final few words before going to meet his death.

Of people trudging home on foot for hours. Of firms losing all their employees in a span of minutes. Of a six-month old baby waiting for her mother to come home and wailing every time the door opened but the mother did not come. Of rows and rows of cars waiting in vain at metro stations in New Jersey for their owners to come drive them home. Of my own neighbors who work at the Pentagon (two of whom died in that attack), coming home shaken, unable to eat for days.

Of depression among the people living around the World Trade Center because they are no longer in the shadow of the Twin Towers.

Their view outside their windows and our view of the world inexorably altered.


Anonymous said...

I can't remember where I was on 9/11 but I can recall seeing the TV images over and over again later and feeling slightly surreal, as if in a nightmare or watching a movie! Only this was too real and the U.S looked as vulnerable like any other country. Like the Challenger explosion before it, this "defining moment" of our times causes sadness whenever I think of it. Sadly, since then, the U.S has lost so much of its sheen as a world power with its subsequent actions! *Sigh*

Anonymous said...

Magnificent post.
Thank you for this. :)

Sujatha Bagal said...

Ravi: I agree.

Truman: Thanks.

FSN 3.0 said...

I was in India when 9/11 happened. For some reason most of us could not understand the true horror of the incident until we actually came to live here, almost a year later.

I only remember my disbelief watching the whole thing on CNN - and just being in total shock.Who would want to do such a thing? Its like somebody flying one of those things (god forbid) into the Taj Mahal - which stands as a symbol representative of India.

The true repercussion of that incident on the multi-cultural/ethnic environment in the US, I felt only when I actually came to live here.

I guess even now many people outside of the US do not fully understand exactly why it was such a big deal.

I could however say the same for India and Kargil. The universal acceptance/understanding only seems to apply to natural disasters.

Anonymous said...

Sujatha, thank you for sharing this with us. I got goosebumps reading this ... thank God that you and your family are safe and sound.

Michael Higgins said...

Hi Sujatha
An excellent piece.
I was at work that day and even heard the explosion when the plane hit the pentagon. Oddly was unaware that anything was going on until my wife called. She was worried that I might be at the Pentagon (I had gone there a few times but not that day).

I think I spent rest of the day just trying to read up on what was happening. I was in shock like everyone else. I can't believe that four years later bin Laden is still running around free.

Anonymous said...

I was at work and I remember all of us watched the plane crash into the twin tower in a co-workers office, as he had a small portable TV.It did not hit me then, it was more like watching some movie.
We all continued to work that day.
In the evening, when I was heading home, I had this eery feeling as there were very few cars on road.

Sujatha Bagal said...


I can understand your point of view.

You're right, may be it is hard for many people to empathize. I am sure that my reaction to it would have been different had I not been there. I would have certainly sympathized with the people and their terrible experiences, but I don't know if I could have empathized.

Whether it's a war, a terrorist attack, a hurricane or an earthquake, people suffer. No matter what the source of the suffering is, I would hope that we can sympathize with the victims, no matter what we feel about the ideology of their leaders. But you are right, this is not always the case. In many instances, we may just tune out the death and destruction in certain areas of the world because it is difficult to understand why people and their governments do not rectify the situation that is causing the suffering. We may then decide not to waste our sympathies there.

What we can all hope, on the other hand, is that all this suffering does not go to waste. We could learn about the issues surrounding the conflicts/disasters around the world and educate the next generation to lead less-conflict ridden lives.


The experience still gives me goose bumps when I think about it. So many people have gone through so many tragedies since then and they've been touched by it in a much closer way than we were by 9/11. I am humbled by their spirit and resilience.

Thank you. Well, he's not only running around free, but he issued new threats to mark the anniversary. Unbelievable indeed.

Charukesi said...

perfectly understand what you mean when you describe the initial reaction - of stunned disbelief and not understanding what the hell it was all about... just reading aboiut it is so scary... the vulnerability of all of us...

Sunil said...

Oh god! Was a little shakey reading this.....

On 9/11, a little before 9 am, I was standing at the DMV, getting my Washington State drivers license. There we were all, and the office had a TV set. Some one said something about the Twin Towers going down. No one could believe it. Most people thought it was some kind of TV prank. Then people slowly started realizing what had happened. No one cared about their license or what ever else they were trying to get. We just crowded around that TV, and stared in disbelief.

I think it took us all a long time to actually realize what had happened.

Sujatha Bagal said...


That is an interesting point, that we are all desensitized to horror because there is so much of it, in the news, in the movies...


The vulnerability was very evident a few months later when the government raised the threat level to Orange (it turns out later that it was not warranted - but who knows about these things). We all made a bee-line to the stores and stocked up on everything from canned food to duct tape to plastic sheets. You could tell everyone was on the edge. A few people died in their houses for lack of air because they had draped plastic sheets all over their house and duct taped it. The warning was about a chemical attack.

One good thing that came out of it was that the emergency supplies (flashlights, boom-box, bottled water) came in handy when Hurricane Isabel came around.

Anonymous said...

too numb for a reaction.. your account seems like it was only yesterday..

Sujatha Bagal said...


You were three hours behind too, so the first time you learnt about it was when the towers were ready to fall. The confusion must have been that much greater on the west coast.

There are still so many disjointed memories of those days. We had to pass by the Pentagon every time we went into DC and the road was right along the side o the Pentagon that got hit. It was so depressing to see the hole and the blackened walls for so many months...


I know what you mean.

Minal said...

Hi Sujatha,

The post was unnerving.

Any act of terror has to be condemned. It's really sad that terrorists are running scott free issuing new threats daily and killing innocent people.

We have been facing it for last 16 years in the Kashmir valley.

I feel so helpless at times like this.

Sujatha Bagal said...

Hi Minal, thanks for sharing your views.

Mint Chutney said...

This was an absolutely amazing piece of writing. It brought back everything I felt that morning...

Sujatha Bagal said...


Thank you for the nice words...

small squirrel said...

Hi Sujatha

dropped in thru and I have enjoyed reading your entries. I am from NoVa and will probably be moving to Bangalore in the very near future. Would love to chat with you about the differences, since you know about both worlds so well.

OK if I email you?

Sujatha Bagal said...

Hi Jessica,

Absolutely! Please do. I'll look for your e-mail.


Kathleen said...

What a beautiful post! You almost had me crying. I've linked to this post from my post today.

Sujatha Bagal said...

Callista, thank you so much for reading and for linking.

Yeh Hai Life said...

I was in NY, and should have been witnessing everything while in the subway on the Manhattan bridge, but I happen to be dogsitting uptown. I lost 6 fire-fighter friends that day.

As with so many people, 9/11 certainly has changed me and my business partner, and we didn't even know each other at that point. But after we met, we knew we had to create something meaningful, as 9/11 has certainly taught us to live life to the fullest. And a trip to India taught us that as well, and "Yeh Hai Life" was born.

Now, we're hosting a benefit concert to help AIDIndia and the agrarian crisis with INDIAN OCEAN live in concert in Toronto.

Yeh Hai what you make of it!

Co-Founder, Yeh Hai Life